​In his devotional book Drawing Near, John MacArthur points on August 25th that “In Luke 15 Jesus tells a parable about a father who had two sons. The younger son asked for his share of the family inheritance, then left home and squandered it on sinful pursuits. When he realized his folly, he decided to return home and ask his father’s forgiveness. So ‘he got up and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him, and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him, and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his slaves, ‘Quickly bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet; and bring the fattened calf, kill it, and let us eat and be merry’’ (vv. 20-23).
That’s a beautiful illustration of love’s eagerness to forgive, but it also implies another characteristic of love. While the son was still far away, the father saw him coming. How could that be? Because he was watching for his son—anticipating and longing for his return. Love forgives when wrongs are committed against it, but it also expects the best of others. That’s what it means to ‘believe all things’ (1 Cor. 13:7). That son had hurt his father deeply, but his father never lost hope that his son would return.
I know a Christian woman who has been married to an unbelieving husband for thirty years. Yet she continues to say, ‘He will come to Christ someday.’ She isn’t blind to the situation, but her love for her husband has transformed her earnest desire into an expectation. She believes he will turn to Christ because love always expects the best.
Perhaps you have a spouse or child who is an unbeliever or has drifted away from the Lord. Don’t lose heart! Expect the best, and let that expectation motivate you to pray more fervently and to set a godly example for your loved ones to follow.
Suggestions for Prayer: Ask God to guard your heart from cynical and suspicious attitudes toward others.”

The below challenge is from Heather Drabinsky. I did include some passages at the very end for each of us to mull over as well.
Enjoy!
Nate

MARRIAGE MEDITATION: LOVE BEARS ALL THINGS

• BY HEATHER DRABINSKY
• JUNE 2, 2020

 
Love bears all things — it helps carry burdens even through hardship, believes the best even after shortcomings and rejoices in truth even following failure.
GETTING STARTED

• Watch today’s Marriage Meditation video.
• Read today’s Marriage Meditation devotion.
• Share today’s question with your spouse.

TODAY’S DEVOTION
Scripture Reading:
1 Corinthians 13:6-7 — “[Love] does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
Meditation:
To bear something means to help carry, suffer with or endure. First Corinthians 13:7 states, “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
To love your spouse is to help carry their burdens through life and endure with them through their shortcomings. When they’re struggling, whether emotionally, mentally or physically, love means staying beside them through the pain and looking hopefully toward the future.
Assuming the worst in your spouse can be easy sometimes. If they fail to complete a project they said they’d do or forgot about an important event, disappointment can surface. Rude presumptions that aren’t true can arise. But you can demonstrate that love bears all things by believing the best of your spouse. Cheer them on. When they fall short, pray for them and then try to continue encouraging them.
Scripture’s definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13:6 says that love “does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.” If your spouse messes up or upsets you, what’s the first way you’d normally respond? Most likely, the last thing you’d feel like doing is to remind yourself of the truth of their intrinsic value. But in moments of frustration, love would mean remembering that they’re not a failure or a disappointment, but a child of God.
Love bears all things — it helps carry burdens even through hardship, believes the best even after shortcomings and rejoices in truth even following failure.
Prayer: Heavenly Father, teach me how to love my spouse the way You do. Help me to endure through the valleys of marriage and bear all things for the sake of Your love to shine through.
TODAY’S QUESTION
How can I help carry the burdens of life with you and believe the best in you?
https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/marriage-meditation-love-bears-all-things/
 
In John MacArthur’s devotional book Drawing Near (on the page for August 24th…timely, right?) he points out as a reminder to each of us, in regard to this topic, that “How you react indicates the quality of your love.”

Below are a few passages to really grab ahold of and learn from…
Matthew 1:19 (NIV) Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.
Matthew 18:15 (NLT) “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.
Proverbs 19:11 – This verse speaks of bearing trouble calmly, and choosing to generously display mercy and pity…
New International Version
A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.
New Living Translation
Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs.
English Standard Version
Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.
New King James Version
The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, And his glory is to overlook a transgression.
New American Standard Bible
A person’s discretion makes him slow to anger, And it is his glory to overlook an offense.
1 Peter 4:8 (NLT) Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.

In another message on the same topic from 1 Corinthians 13, MacArthur wants us to continue to…
“see that ‘love bears all things.’ The beginning of verse 7, reading from the ESV, says, ‘love bears all things.’
I want us to try to understand what God is teaching us here with these words. If you are looking at the NIV you will notice that the word used is ‘protects,’ and other versions say, ‘love covers.’ The Greek word has two primary meanings. One meaning has to do with endurance, or to put up with for a long period of time. We see it this way in 1 Thessalonians 3:5 where Paul says, ‘when I could bear it no longer.’ He is talking about endurance, ‘When I could take it no longer.’ Something, his trial, had weighed on him, pressed him greatly to the point where he longed for relief. This does not seem to be Paul’s primary meaning from verse 7, mainly because it would be redundant with the last word, or phrase, in verse 7 which says, ‘love endures all things.’ 
The other meaning is that of a covering. To cover or protect. The same Greek word is sometimes used or translated ‘roof,’ like the roof or covering over a house or a room. In Mark 2 this same word is translated roof in the account where the four men dug out an opening in the roof of a house where Jesus was preaching, so that they could lower their sick friend through the roof down to Jesus, so that Jesus could heal him.
So bearing all things could be like a covering, covering all things. Literally it could be like putting a roof over what is displeasing in another person. Now that may sound odd to us, and we will need to think about what that would mean or look like. It is to cover, to throw a cover over what might be displeasing, to protect or preserve by covering.
Wayne Mack says, ‘When we tell someone ‘I love you,’ we are telling that person that we will function as an umbrella or a roof that will shield and protect that person from harm or unnecessary and unhelpful exposure.’”
John MacArthur comments, “‘to bear basically means to cover or support and therefore protect. Love bears all things by protecting others from exposure, ridicule, or harm. Genuine love does not gossip or listen to gossip. Even when sin is certain, love tries to protect it with the least possible hurt and harm to the guilty person. Love never protects sin but is anxious to protect the sinner.’
So bearing here seems to mean a protecting, covering from unnecessary hurt or harm. It is loving, it is caring for another person, it is watching out for them, for their good, to do this in their life. Don’t we want others to be that way with us?
Now my guess would be that this raises some questions. And I want to anticipate your questions. Like, ‘How far do I go with someone to protect them from hurt or harm due to their behavior?’ Or, ‘Are you saying that I am to cover up someone’s sins, to help them hide their sin so that it is covered over like a roof covers a house?’ ‘Am I to shield my spouse or my friend or my child when they sin from outside exposure, or even from getting help if they are taken up in a sin?’
Those are good questions, hugely important, and ones that I hope we can be clear on this morning. Here is how I would like to address these things. Obviously we need help with these questions, and our help is to emerge from the Bible, so let’s address these questions as the Bible does. Let’s do it in two categories.
First, let’s consider what it means to cover, protect, and guard, to bear with a person when there is no sin involved. So first is a non-sin issue. What does it mean to bear with a person, protect, cover, or guard them when sin is not the issue? When I say sin is not the issue, I mean how do we handle a situation where another person may be different than we are, have a vastly different personality, be from a different culture, their ways are just not like our ways, where we may have a tendency to say, ‘That is weird,’ or, ‘What they do is odd.’ To bear with others is first of all to recognize that many issues are preferences and not sinful. We have to learn to know the difference. Because we must handle them differently.
So we must be careful to be sure that our concern is not generated by a personality difference, or the fact that they don’t do things the way I do, or how I would do it. We need to realize that there are multiple ways to do things, and ours isn’t always best. That not all people choose to dress like we dress, or use the english language like we do. Everyone does not share the same interests and passions. We are different, and those differences are okay within the bounds of non-sinful behavior and preferences.
And so if we see things that aren’t quit fitting to our personal standards or likes, we are not to be those who run to our neighbor and say things like, ‘You’ll never believe what so and so did, that was just really odd.’ Or, ‘I can’t believe she wore that to the party. Can you?’ Or, ‘How could anyone be so strange as to enjoy that in his leisure time?’ Or, ‘Why in the world would she spend money on this?’ Or, ‘Can you believe the car they drive, or the food they eat, or the job he does?’
I am describing our tendency, at times, to put other people on display by emphasizing what we perceive as oddities, strangeness which are simply differing preferences. It is attempting to draw attention to others in a very negative, harmful, or hurtful way. Encouraging others to see things our way while emphasizing differences in others. Love does not do this. Love does not gossip or listen to gossip.
We are to bear with people, not just throw everything out there that might bring harm or hurt to others or just make them look bad; that is not loving. Consider others’ interests ahead of our own. Understand that we are different, and that our ways may be odd or strange to others too.
So we need to separate out what are non-sinful preferences from what is sin. If it is not sin, the solution is generally not to approach the other person, but to consider our own heart and attitude in the matter. Most often in these cases it is not an issue with them but an issue with whom? With ourselves!
In other words, in the case of a non-sin issue, the covering and bearing what is displeasing to us is done by dealing with our own pride and selfish thinking or actions, and learning to be more accepting of other people’s differences.
[Secondly,] What if there is sin involved, then what? If there is sin involved then how do we cover, protect or guard, bear with others in a biblical way? Paul cannot mean that we simply ignore harmful sin in others’ lives. He cannot mean that we throw a covering over it in that we look the other way or pretend it is not there. How can I say that? Because Jesus said in Luke 17:13, ‘Pay attention to yourselves, If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents forgive him.’ And in Matthew 18:5, ‘If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.’
Paul cannot mean that we ignore sinful behavior, because in Galatians 1-3 Paul reproves the Galatians for distorting the gospel of Christ. Paul even gives specific instruction regarding dealing with a sinning brother or sister.
1 Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. 2 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:1-2)
We are directed in the Bible to help those caught in a transgression. So bearing with, covering, protecting, and guarding, does not, cannot mean that we ignore sin, but that we can be a part of a ministry of restoration in people’s lives. And this restoration ministry is in fact one of guarding, protecting, bearing, and covering. Think about a roof of protection, or protection by covering. We can be that in the lives of those we love by going to them in gentleness and helping them to turn back to God, by bearing their burdens in this way. And by not being a gossip to others. We cannot, should not desire to restore others by breaking confidence or spreading another person’s sins to those who are not involved. 
Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all transgressions. (Proverbs 10:12)
MacArthur says, ‘Love does not justify sin or compromise with falsehood. Love warns, corrects, exhorts, rebukes and disciplines. But love does not expose or broadcast failures and wrongs. It covers and protects.’
Going back to Galatians, if someone is caught, meaning entangled in a trap, snared by sin, go to him in gentleness, desire restoration, and bear that burden with him or her. Walk with the sinner, be willing to suffer in your own heart as you enter into his struggle and even begin to feel some of the pain of consequence as it effects him. Walk with your brother, and as you do protect that person from undue personal harm that your gossip may cause.
1 Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. 2 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:1-2)
Sometimes the bearing with another requires a strict confidence that becomes your own burden.
What we are talking about here is really this: when someone offends you because of sin or because of a personal preference, handling it biblically is a protection not just for you, but is a protection to the other person. Handling it biblically is like a roof of protection over his head.
If it’s a non-sin issue, then let’s deal with our own hearts. No need to approach the other person with a desire to change them. Simply learn to accept differences in others and don’t spread hurtful comments about that person which would be hurtful gossip.
If there is sin involved, go to that person. You who are spiritual go. It’s between you and the other person. Go to them. 
3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. (Matthew 7:3-5)
If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. (Matthew 18:15)
If He doesn’t listen, there are further steps which in the end shows that the circle gets wider as far as who is aware of the sin. But it starts very small, with a personal appeal. Most of the time this is as far as it gets, right? No need, almost always, for many to know.
Here is a summary. You and I are to be like a protective roof over the lives of each other. This is love, this is how we love each other. If we love, our desire is to be that we hold things close, that we do not spout off about people, that we do not expose their ways in a hurtful way that may be different than ours, that we do not say, ‘You will never believe what so and so did,’ or things such as that. We cover them, we protect them from the harm that those words may bring.
And that we even do so when sin is involved. Yes we admonish, we confront, we minister in the spirit of reconciliation, with gentleness, but we do it privately, in a way that most protects them. That is biblical. We go in private, and we keep it private as long as it’s biblical to do so. We don’t harm others by broadcasting their sin to others. No, even then, we are to be like a protective roof. And you know, if we go further in Matthew 18 and read that if they don’t repent, we take others with us, even then it remains private among those who go. And if we go even further in Mathew 18, where the matter is told to the church, even then, it is not a matter for gossip but for loving restoration.
We really have to check our hearts on this. Are you, am I ever tempted to talk about others in a way that would be hurtful to them? If so, perhaps we need to consider 1 Corinthians 13:7. Love bears all things! Protects, covers, guards.
1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. 
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things (1 Corinthians 13:1-7a).”
https://gbfc.org/blog/2012/2/12/love-bears-all-things
​

Real Dudes,
This will be a three-part series. The first two are portions of sermons by John MacArthur and are somewhat lengthy but let me encourage you to give the material a chance…its content is so good and helpful for anyone’s spiritual growth. I’ll give you plenty of time to read through and meditate on each part before moving along to the next one. Please trust me…this is good stuff and well worth the read and application. If anything, I highlighted and underlined a few pieces from each…zero in on those truths and pray over them. Allow God to make the appropriate changes in your life if necessary.
Enjoy!
Nate

Love Bears All Things (Part 1 of 3).
“Love bears all things.” Now, this is a tremendous word, and I want you to see the depth of it. It’s a glorious truth. The word “bear,” although it is used in various shades of meaning in the New Testament, primarily means “to cover with silence,” to cover with silence. Or if you want one word, “to suppress.” To suppress. That’s the basic meaning.
It doesn’t mean that love puts up with anything and love can be shoved around because it doesn’t have any dignity. But what it does mean is that love out of a regard and a respect and an honest concern for the real value of another person, love will do everything it can to cover up and suppress the sin of that person. Genuine love is reluctant to drag a scandal in front of anyone. When it says it “bears all things,” it’s not in the sense of “Oh, I’ll put up with that some more” or “I’ll endure this trial,” it means it is disposed to cover over the ugliness in someone else’s life.
You know, you can illustrate the fact that this is a normal human behavior pattern by looking at yourself and your own children. It is normal for depravity to want to uncover everybody’s evil. There’s no question about that. Go to the newsstand and check out the latest magazines. True Confessions. Secrets of Mr. So-and-so, the secret marriage of So-and-so and So-and-so. And all the books. I’m telling you, the bookstores are jammed with exposés.
You see, depravity is always looking to find the skeleton in somebody else’s closet because it gives a sense of self-righteousness, always. Your children are a good illustration. So are mine, just so you realize I’m on the same wave length you’re on. They come into the world depraved. And one of the first manifestations of their depravity is the eagerness with which they want to tell on their brothers and sisters. And that’s one thing you have to discipline out of them.
Ours will come in and say, “Do you know what Matt’s doing?” And I’ll say, “I don’t know what Matt – Matt’s doing and I’m not interested.” That’s one way to deal with it. And then when they’re gone, I go find out what Matt’s doing. One of them will run down the stairs, “So-and-so’s jumping on the bed.” You know, that’s typical. Why? Because depravity is always trying to uncover somebody else so it can gain a sense of self-respect and righteousness and look good in your eyes.
You know, it’s kind of sad, but some people never grow out of that. Some people spend their whole life tattling. You know, I always question people who are married and all they can do is talk about the errors and the faults and the sins of their partner [see the contrast 1 Corinthians 13:5]. I question whether they know the meaning of love because love throws a blanket over somebody else’s faults. That’s what the word means. The Corinthians didn’t know the meaning of that. They were exposing anybody. Chapter 6, if somebody offended one of them, they dragged them into court and sued them publicly before a pagan judge. But love throws a kindly mantle over the faults and weaknesses and sins of others.
First Peter 4:8, Peter put it this way – it’s beautiful. He said, “Love covers a” – what? – “multitude of sins.” Love is a big, huge blanket that runs around throwing itself over people’s faults, not exposing them. Proverbs 10:12 says, “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins.” Have you ever noticed how easily you dismiss the faults of those you love? Think of the person you love the most, and they do something wrong. “Ah, well, there’s so much good about them. I mean everybody makes a mistake.”
Now think about the person you don’t like. Don’t think too long, it’ll be a sin. Or imagine that you didn’t like somebody – that’s better – and they do something wrong. And you love it, you see, because you really wish it. But love dismisses the sins of the one it loves, and the one it doesn’t love, pounces on them, see. Love will warn, yes, and love will exhort and love will rebuke and love will discipline, but love will cover, not expose.
Beautiful characteristic of love – give you a good illustration of it. The best illustration I could think of the cross of Jesus Christ. Love has a redemptive quality. You know, God loved us. God didn’t sit up in heaven with the Trinity and say, “You know, those human beings are gross. What do you angels think about them?” “Oh, yeah, especially that MacArthur one. He is bad.” And they didn’t have an eternal discussion about us.
We are not the subject of heavenly gossip. Isn’t that nice to know? He is the covering for our sin. You see, God is not in the business of exposing. Ultimately, He’s in the business of covering. Rather than sit in righteous resentment and gossip with the Trinity and the angels about the sins of men, God just came to a cross, threw a mantle over man’s sin, and bore their sin in His own body.
Now, let me tell you something about love. Love throws a mantle over sin because love has a redemptive element. Love is always after redemption. Love wants to redeem, it wants to buy back. Love is not judgmental, love is not condemning, love is redeeming. Listen to this. “He carried our griefs, He bore our sorrows. He was wounded for our transgressions. He was bruised for our iniquities. Our chastisement was on Him.” Isaiah 53. That is love.
Now, let me tell you something. Love will actually go beyond throwing a blanket. Love is so empathetic that love will feel the pain. Love will actually endure the agony. Love will bear it. Love will feel the pain. When a…brother or sister sins and I love that person, I hurt. I don’t want to expose. I’m willing to bear the pain. And then love will redeem and forgive. The redemptive character of love is willing to take and throw a blanket over sin, to feel the pain of that sin. And I’ll go a third step, it is willing to take on the consequence of that sin. True love is.
On the cross, God didn’t just throw a mantle over sin, He didn’t just feel sympathetic about it, He did what? He bore our sins in His own body. Genuine love is never quick to exploit or expose or gloat or condemn. It throws a blanket over sin, carries the burden of it, even takes the blame for it, even accepts the punishment.
In Cromwell’s time, a soldier was condemned to die by execution. He was to die at the ringing of the curfew bell. He was engaged to be married to a beautiful young girl. The girl pleaded with the judge. With tears, she pleaded with Cromwell to spare his young life, all in vain. All the preparations were made for the execution. The city awaited the signal from the bell at curfew. The sexton, who was old and deaf, threw himself against the rope, as he had for years. He pulled it and pulled it and pulled it, and he didn’t know it, but no sound came out.
The girl had climbed to the top of the belfry, reached out, caught, and held onto the tongue of the huge bell at the risk of her life. And as he rang it, she was smashed against the side, but the bell was silent. At length, the bell ceased to swing. She managed to get back to the edge and came down, descended wounded and bleeding. Cromwell was waiting and everybody was waiting at the place of execution, and he wanted to know why the bell had not rung.
And the girl arrived and told him the story. And a poet recorded it for all time, and this is what he said, “At his feet she told her story, showed her hands all bruised and torn; and her sweet young face still haggard with the anguish it had worn; touched his heart with sudden pity, lit his eyes with misty light, ‘Go, your lover lives,’ said Cromwell. ‘Curfew will not ring tonight.’”
Here’s somebody who was willing to go where love goes, throw a mantle over sin, feel sympathy for sin, and take punishment for sin – somebody else’s. That’s redemptive love. It is always, always the quality of love, that love suppresses someone else’s sin, sympathizes with someone else’s sin, suffers for someone else’s sin if it can.
To what extent do you bear the pain to cover someone’s sin? It’s a fair question. Do we really cover other people’s evil? Love does. Love bears all things.
https://www.gty.org/library/sermons-library/1867/the-qualities-of-true-love-part-4

Real Dudes,
Scott and Lisa Sharp did a fantastic job giving us a glimpse into what it looks like to have a successful marriage. Here’s the link to their video on-line https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHyOYLt6SNI. Please share this link with others on Facebook or wherever…it is well worth anyone’s time. If you don’t have time to view their challenge, then feel free to read through their notes below (in the video they go off notes and into more details, but the notes are still very well put together). This is material well worth holding onto as a resource, copying, and passing along to others as well.
Enjoy,
Nate
 
Intro and Thank you- Very honored and extremely humbled to be asked to speak this morning. Disclaimer- Wide variety of ages, number of years married, experiences, Everyone (couples) here have their own story and habits that make their marriage successful. For those of you whom we have not had the privilege to meet, we are Scott and Lisa Sharp. We’ve grown up in Grinnell, graduated from GHS, went away to college, wanted to settle here, have been married for 38 years and lived our entire married life as members of this community. We have been blessed with 4 children. Brandon- 33, married to Sharaeah. They live in Grinnell and have 3 children, ages 8 and twins who are 6. Morgan- 30, married to Blaine Forsythe, they live in Pella with their 4 year old son and 2 year old daughter. Lauren- age 28 who lives in Urbandale and works for Drake University. And, Regan, age 26 who is married to Kyle Gritsch. They live in Brooklyn and have a 2 year old daughter and 4 month old son. [Each of their children live within an hour of Grinnell]. Our goal today is to share our story along with what works for us and you may find some similarities and you have your own characteristics that help you be successful too!! Don’t be shy about asking questions, giving comments or challenging us and making this interactive. The overall feeling we have as a husband and wife is “That we are extremely blessed!!!!”  Let’s begin with prayer- 

Our history, [Lisa] moved to Grinnell at end of 8th grade, asked out 3x [by Scott] before saying yes, dating, college years, married June 18, 1983- So naïve that we got married, lived in a $200 a month second floor of a rundown house, had $500 in our bank account and neither one of us had a full-time job :):), would you let your kids do that? :) None of that mattered to us because we just wanted to do life together. Work out the details later :)  I would describe us as a young couple who didn’t have a plan, but then also did have a plan- we did want to try to establish jobs for each of us before we planned on starting a family. Forever grateful to James and Dave Van Arkel for letting Scott work as a farmhand from June to December until he was hired at Grinnell Mutual and to the Grinnell School district who hired Lisa as a para- figured out she wanted her own classroom so went back to school as a non-traditional student. Commuted to Central College from Grinnell for two years, then once that was done, we felt it appropriate to think about a family then and we’ll speak more about that later.  

Our Strengths- Ephesians 4:2-3 “ Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bonds of peace”. Common interests [such as athletics, and giving back to their community after having so many influencers in their lives], having parents who modeled what a healthy, loving, respectful marriage looks like. Role models in the Newburg/Chester Church. Both being supportive of what each other’s life was going to look like- going back to school, teaching, coaching, supportive of the time it takes to try to do these things well. [They were encouragers to each other, and they continually stretch and grow each other.]

Our struggles- Wondering if we would ever be parents? [They shared with us a] Story of making trips to Ames to see a fertility Dr. Once on a Christmas morning?? Miscarriages [the feeling of letting each other down in this area]? Leaned on our parents, each other, our faith that it would happen one way or another. Once we did have children and as they grew up, Balancing our wanting to be involved in community groups, activities, etc. yet still be there for each other and our children. [Often held] Family Meetings when things in our household “didn’t seem right or out of balance”..........[working through the struggles together].

[Common Thread in their lives] How God and our faith journey has helped our marriage- how have we grown? Priorities changed from when we were younger. Softball tournaments on Sunday mornings………now if we miss worship there is a ‘hole’ in the week. Being around other believers/Godly men and women. Being active in our church as Faith Friends for Confirmation program, Sunday School teachers for several years, small group dinner groups, committees, etc……..continues to foster our Faith Journey with Christ and creates good habits for things like- Putting others before self, praying that we are on the right path, modeling for our children, be quick to listen and slow to speak, 1 Peter 4:8- Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins. [Love bears all things]. James 1:19-20   My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Because we are all human, this is not easy to do. All we can do is keep trying!!!

What are our non-negotiables- We are best friends, act and treat each other as such :), We are a team [no individual roles…on the same page]!!!!  Always listen, respectful disagreements (disagreeing well…don’t argue, talk through differences, modeled by parents), be understanding, Support we showed each other [their relationship focuses on bringing out the best in each other] - Lisa coaching…..Family time - Sunday Night [was always set aside as] Family Time, Don’t go to bed angry at the other, as our kids grew up through activities we made it a priority for us to attend as a family- this was especially fun for Brandon when his sisters had dance recitals:)  we felt it was very important to support as a family.   Family vacations / stay cations.  Another non-negotiable was or kids going to church.  We instilled into them at an early age that Sunday School and Church was an expectation that we all attended. [Grounded in God and Family…now their kids find family and church to be important to them. They enjoy time together, etc. They enjoy involvement in FCA].

How do we resolve conflict?  Intentionally, we do not have much. As a family- we would have intentional family meetings if things seemed “off” somehow in our household. Explain what we did. United front- avoided pitting one of us against the other. Communicate and share feelings. We are both pretty even keel. We each have our “hot” buttons. Keep in mind to stay calm. Have we ever raised our voice at one another? Don’t think so………...Never called each other names. Never make anything a “personal attack”. Respect, cliché’ 

Our best advice- Being in a healthy marriage does not just happen. Intentionally work at it in a fun, loving way. Commit to the Journey, Stay in Love, Continue to date each other. No matter if you have a background in athletics or not- Do Not Keep Score :)  Kiss each other goodbye and hello even though it grossed out the kids, this included in the middle of the kitchen cooking supper or at the occasional AAU bb tournament in the bleachers.