Nudged with…Trust Me & Love Unconditionally.

Real Dudes,
2026 is approaching all too quickly. Ready or not, here it is. Is there something going on in your life that God just won’t leave you alone about lately? Maybe something that He’d like to challenge you with this coming year? I’m sure the response will look differently for each of us. In this posting I’d like to share with each of you what God’s been constantly nudging my heart about lately. 
After nearly 29 years, my wife and I are facing the reality of being empty-nesters in 2026. For 29 years I’ve had the privilege of speaking into the lives of each of my daughters. Not that it ends here, but it’s going to look different from here on out. What’s happening is that all of my daughters are becoming young adults. Young adults who are making their own choices in life. Some good and some complete opposite of how I’ve raised them or set the example for them. So, what do I do with that? How do I process all of this? 
Recently I had one of my daughters tell me about a decision she made that just rocked my world. To some you’d be like, “what’s the big deal, I don’t see anything wrong with that. You’re overreacting.” And you’re probably right, but this is my baby girl. I’m supposed to guide, direct, and protect her. If I don’t step in and do or say something, then what’s going to happen to her? Won’t I be partially responsible for the decision she’s making? 
Anyway, when I heard this news I wanted to resort to the typical go-to’s that have plagued my family for multiple generations. My mind wanted to go-to some of the following… “What threats could I come up with that would force her to change her mind? How could I step in and control the situation? How could I ‘fix’ her and make her change her mind? How could I manipulate her into doing what would make life easier and more peaceful for me? How could I guilt trip her into doing what I wanted?” Admittedly, I did go there for a while. Some of these I acted out in front of her, and others I kept to myself…and maybe shared with others who would give me an ear to vent into. As much as I’d tell others how I had no regret for how I handled this situation…God wouldn’t leave me alone about it. And usually that means…why are you getting in My way – can’t you see that I’m trying to do something in her heart and life? So I surrendered and prayed to God – “Ok God, how would you have me handle this better?” And here’s what He answered me with on two separate occasions. 
On the first occasion – when I first received the news from my daughter – God asked me this question… “do you trust Me? Are you willing to step aside for a moment and leave your usual go-to methods behind so I can be the voice to her right now?” In my heart I said I trusted Him, but my actions proved differently, and He knew it. My actions were saying, “I trust my way, and everyone in my family better follow suit.” So God let me chew on that thought for a while. And then a few weeks later He very graciously allowed me to remember one more thing, and I’ll end with this. 
On the second occasion – when I was lying in bed thinking about how I’ve been acting and how my family has been plagued for so long by reacting with the constant threats, guilt tripping, controlling, “fixing,” manipulating approaches –  He reminded me that I was loving my daughter conditionally. “I’ll love you, only if you do things my way.” This one shook me. Reflecting on how God loves me unconditionally, and yet I was not doing the same for my own daughter. Who have I become? What message was I sending to each of my daughters? “Don’t upset dad and his life or else…” “Don’t even think about ruining his reputation, or else…” 
Men, I was disgusted with myself. What do I do with all of this? In sincere humility, I sat down with my daughter and apologized to her. I realized in that moment that one day I won’t be answering for her before the Lord…I’ll be answering for myself. And I know I’ve done what I could to raise each of my children the way God would have me to. And for her…she too will only have to answer for herself. As much as I’d love to answer for her, or protect her from not having to answer incorrectly, I just needed to get out of the way in a sense. My wife reminded me of many godly couples whose children have made decisions later in life that went contrary to how they were raised…I wasn’t alone in this. But I am also reminded of a few other passages…The first is Romans chapter 1…in this chapter each person was choosing to live a certain way. Some didn’t choose God’s way and so He literally gave them over to the desires of their hearts. Next, is Luke 15 and the story of the Prodigal Child. And lastly, Romans 5:3-4, which says, “3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope.” (NIV). God is doing a work in everyone’s life to produce something. What is it that He’s trying to produce in my daughter / His daughter? Perseverance, character, and hope. In a way that only He can…in a way much better than I could ever draw up on my own…He’s attempting to teach and develop within her perseverance, character, and hope. He’s got this…He’s got her. 
Anyway, thanks for reading this. Like I started with, I don’t know what God’s been nudging you about lately. If you’re like, “I don’t really think He’s been nudging me about anything lately,” then maybe He’s speaking to you right now in a similar way that He spoke to and nudged me – First, “do you trust Me?” And lastly, are you loving others the way God loves you – unconditionally? I hope this helps. Here for you. Please be praying for me as I continue to improve in these areas and continue to learn how to navigate being an empty-nester with daughters who are adulting. 
Practicing His Presence,
Nate

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